What We Do
My child has been diagnosed, now what?
Confused, unsure and in need of guidance
Receiving a diagnosis for your child can be a stressfull event. The doctors (and other experts) can tell you things you would not like to hear. You might have to adjust your plans about your future you imagined with your child.
Chances are, that you have a lot of questions. Where do you start?
We have been in that situation and every "special needs" parent that we know has been in this situation. That is why we started Rooting Today.
You don't have to do it on your own when there are so many families and so many people that went through a similar situation before you.
With our help and with the help of a simple tool, you will be able to take control of your life and feel free and empowered!
Control lies in our beliefs.
in the clip and in the flowchart above you can see that your response to a stimulus can be different depending on our belief about that stimulus. This is great to realize, because it shows where the area of control of our feelings lies. It lies NOT with the stimulus, as so may of (including me) us might think. The stimulus is neutral. It's our beliefs that gives it meaning.
Beliefs can be changed, adopted, discarded and can be be freely chosen.
For example: You are attending a wedding. You are crying and feeling happy for your friend who is getting married. I might attend that same wedding, but i'm cranky and not socializing and not having a good time.
Same stimulus, different response! How? Because we have different beliefs. You can hold a belief that your friend is entering a beautiful new phase in their life with their other-half. I can hold the belief that my friend will have much less time to go out with me and silently i am grieving this as a loss.
The Option Process® Dialogue is a logical way of exploring and uncovering beliefs fueling our (mostly) unhappiness. When we know the stimulus and are aware of our response, we can ask questions that will lead us to the belief triggering our unhappiness. In my case I could discover that i hold the belief that i am losing a friend and when i do discover that it is my choice to maintain that belief or to maybe change that belief. I could change it into "i will gain another friend, because friends of my friend are my friends". With the latter belief I will experience joy and excitement.
This can also apply on the challenges you face with your child. I used to feel lost about my daughters development. She is slower, she doesn't talk, she will not be able to take care of herself, what will happen when i am old.
All different beliefs and thoughts about the stimulus (my daughter having autism and behaving in a different way one might expect from a child her age). When I became more aware of these beliefs, i started to change them. For example, I changed the belief "she will not be able to take care of herself" to "The future is unknown, maybe she will, maybe she will not be able to take care of herself, I will focus on being with her right here, right now.
The latter belief helps me with accepting and connecting with my daughter, instead of worrying about her future.
In the dialogue you will explore and uncover beliefs and with awareness you can start to gain control of your feelings and response.
M: What would you like to explore?
E: I would like to look at why i got so angry with my son last night
M: What happened at the time you got angry with your son last night?
E: well, where to start. It was 11pm and past his bedtime, but he was still gaming, so i told him that he had to stop and go to sleep, because he has school today. He ignored me and he just played his stupid videogame. Then I pulled the plug out of the TV or monitor, whatever and I yelled that there will be no more videogaming. He yelled back that he hates me and I yelled back that I hate him!!
M: Why did you yell that you hate him?
E: Because I just wanted it to stop, i dont want this, I raised him well and gave everything and this is how he deals with that. He should be grateful.
M: What do you mean "he should be grateful"?
E: Well, I mean, He is not showing any amount of gratitude when he ignores me. He is not saying "thank you, mom for taking care for me". He let me standing there as some worthless piece of filth, you can just ignore. [Raises her voice] "Well, not anymore, i won't be ignored any longer!!!!"
M: Why did you raise your voice just now?
E: Because I love my son, but I don't want him to treat me this way [Starts crying]
M: Why are you crying?
E: Because I didn't want to yell at him and say I hate him, I love him. He is my son, I love him.
M: If you didnt want to yell at him yesterday, why was it that you did?
E: I wanted him to listen to me
M: Why did you want him to listen to you?
E: because if he listens to me, that would mean i raised him right and I am a good mother. And when he doesn't, I am obviously not a good mother
M: Why do you believe you are not a good mother, when he keeps playing his videogame?
E: well, hearing myself say that, I actually don't believe I am a bad mother. I know I am doing the best I can. I believe I am a ok mother. At some things I can do better, but that doesn't mean, I am a bad mother.
This is really helpful! I still want him to listen to me though.
And so on.
The dialogue ends when the agreed time has passed or the explorer states that they want to end the dialogue. When the dialogue comes to end, the mentor will ask one more question to the explorer